a lesson in socioeconomics

Socialism:

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour.

Communism:

You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism:

You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism:

You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratisism:

You have two cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

Realism:

You have two cows. You hate getting up early to milk them. You hate to shovel cow shit.

Idealism:

You have two cows. You get philosophical and smoke weed. When you remember you had two cows, it’s too late.

Surrealism:

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Surrealism, part II:

You have two lobsters. You call your mother with one of them.

An American Corporation:

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

The Arthur Andersen Model:

You have two cows. You shred them.

A French Corporation:

You have two cows. You go on strike, riot and block the roads because you want three cows.

A French Corporation, part II:

You now have three cows. But you are still rude to them.

A Japanese Corporation:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are ten times smaller and produce twenty times the milk.

A German Corporation:

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation:

You have two cows. You have no idea where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss Corporation:

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A Chinese Corporation:

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim to have high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

An Indian Corporation:

You have two cows. You worship them.

A British Corporation:

You have two cows. Both are mad.

An Iraqi Corporation:

Everyone thinks that you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have no cows. They still invade your country.

A Welsh Corporation:

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

An Australian Corporation:

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office for the day and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A Finnish Corporation:

You have two cows. According to a study by the UNDP, they are the most developed and least corrupted cows in the world.

A Finnish Corporation, part II:

You have two cows. But you are too drunk to milk them.

A Kiwi Corporation:

You have sheep.

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[Source: part GQ Magazine, part yours truly]

11 thoughts on “a lesson in socioeconomics”

  1. A Swedish Corporation:

    You have two cows. But you can’t milk them because that might violate their universal human rights.

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