Had some friends over for Zinfandel during the weekend. Somewhere along the line, my brain hiccuped and I suggested we watch teenage movie Pledge This. We did.
None of us came away decent. In fact, we are scarred for life by idiocy. See, this movie will dumb you down so much it is frankly a miracle I’m still able to tie my shoelaces and remember a third of my pin number.
Earlier, Pledge This was known as the movie with the lowest ever score on IMDB. Since, it has been eclipsed by something called The Hottie And The Nottie… but still… if you know how to spell, and cherish this capability, avuouid itt.
Paris Hilton is in Pledge This. You may have thought she had no talent – you had no idea how kind you were to her. [If you must, try the “documentary” One Night In Paris instead…]
Now, one may wonder why I “acquired” the movie for free in the first place? Well, sometimes when you arrange wine-slash-movie nights, you prefer to catch up on the latest gossip instead of gazing at moving pictures. At other times, you’re so engrossed by the plot you get annoyed by the mere sound of a single popcorn hitting the floor. Safe to say, this was the former option – and why I always make sure to carry a small selection of cheaper titles in my movie archive. Yes, that night we just wanted something on the screen to point & laugh at, something to interrupt our ape chat.
Oh, we did laugh. But it was an uncomfortable sort of laughter, the embarrassing kind, groan-like, as if you felt horribly ashamed of the world that managed to produce this piece of anti-culture. Try rolling your eyes for 90 minutes – that’s the toll it takes! It definitely drove us to drinkin’ more and faster than de rigeur.
In retrospect, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only positive effect Pledge This could ever have, is if aliens return to earth to claim us as the slaves they have been training us into since they taught us to build pyramids – but happen across this movie – and swiftly decide to leave for another couple of thousand years on the pretext that we’re not quite there yet.
And I’d have to agree with them; we are certainly not quite there yet. Fact, it feels like we’re never going to get there, where it ever will be, because I think we’re going backwards.
When I was pre-moped, we liked Porky’s. Back then, the tit jokes were slick, and none of us suffered any ill effects. Apart from for the rest of your life dreaming about finding that ever-elusive peeping hole into the girls’ locker room, of course.