I just spent a week in France, courtesy of Sealed Air. Usually, these things are all work and no play, but this time it was all work and still a bit of time for play. There is something about France that brings out the great and greedy hedonist in you, and I blame the food. And the wine. And the scenery. I won’t muck about – I love France. I always have.
Since we were staying out in the countryside, in Bourgogne country, there were splendid opportunities to sample the local and rather famous Chablis variety. May the sound of my tongue hitting the ceiling in my mouth reveal my delight. Tat-tat-tat-tat!
I mentioned the food. I’ve been gorging on foie gras and escargot and all sorts of choco fondants for for a week – no mystery all my pants feel tight around the waist. Actually, I don’t have a waist anymore. It’s just gone plump.
By the way, why is it that a crÃ¨me brÃ»lÃ©e is so much better in France than in any other country? I have always wondered. I simply have to get a blow torch…
Oh, if there is anyone out there with a good recipe for gougÃ¨re, you must send it to me. You must!
And then, after a good week’s brainstorming, our fantastic team of rookie sales managers celebrated with a Karting tournament. Have no doubt – this was as serious as a heart attack. If you have not been around Sealed Air sales people, you need to know that they eat weak and shit losers. All that matters is success, and the winner takes all. Hearts were pumping pure testosterone. Everyone was eyeing the podium with shamelessly greedy thoughts in mind…
The track was wet, kicking up spray like crazy. I have not done karting outdoors before, never mind driving in the wet with slick tires. But racing is racing; don a helmet, and I turn into a beast.
First, there was qualifying. My gawd, was it slippery sideways! Braking late, the kart wanted to switch ends with you, power on too early, better be quick with those hands. Said and done, I found myself on… yes, pole position.
And the race. Slow off the line, but I had the inside line. After that, I just moved into my zone, and drove away. Let me not be humble – I kicked ass with awesome authority! I never spun once, I had the fastest lap, and I won the Sealed Air GP by 18 seconds. Dudes, I lapped up to fourth position, and I got a gold medal to prove it. Bragging rights are mine, all mine, kapow kapow!
I take the winner’s liberty of posting the results right here:
Man, it’s good to win. I recommend the feeling.
And if you’re ever down in Joigny, pop in for a spin. It’s a killer circuit. My teeth are bleeding. I gotta go again…
I gotta go again, I gotta go again, I gotta go go gokarting again!